patent application
abstract
This invention, The Essential Romantic Kiss ("The Kiss"), involves a method by which two people can reciprocate their romantic feelings towards one another in a manner that deepens attachment, provides pleasure and promotes physical and emotional well‐being. Further, this method improves with repetition, can be performed at virtually any time and, if registered by the US Patent Office, will be freely available to all persons everywhere in the interests of enhancing romantic love and generally making the world a better place.
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Background of the invention
People have been engaging in unpatented kissing since the dawn of human history. Indeed, the practice is so popular that it has spawned an entire field of study entitled "Philematology". The two main categories identified by leading philematologists are the "Erotic Kiss", under which this patent falls, and the "Platonic Kiss". The latter category has been subdivided into affectionate kisses between parents and children or among family members and friends; kissing as a means of expressing religious devotion; and kissing as a sign of friendship.
As for the Erotic Kiss, some kissologists have pointed to the ancient Greeks as early exponents. Given their warm climate and fetching attire, this seems quite plausible. Centuries later, William Shakespeare immortalized the Erotic Kiss in a scene from "Romeo and Juliet". In Act 1, Scene 5, the young lovers meet for the first time at a party:
- Romeo:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand, To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
- Juliet:
(afterwards) You kiss by the book.
Note carefully Juliet's reaction to Romeo's youthful and inexpert advances. It is precisely this kind of awkward situation that the current patent application seeks to avoid. We are providing all lovers with a fool‐proof method of expressing what Romeo feels in his heart towards his Juliet.
We would be remiss in not crediting a 20th century exponent of the Erotic Kiss. Harlequin Enterprises, founded in, Canada in 1949, has published countless romance novels, the covers of which have been frequently adorned by illustrations of kissing couples.
Kissing has distinct health benefits which Wikipedia summarizes as follows:
"Affection in general has stress‐reducing effects. Kissing in particular has been studied in a controlled experiment: increasing the frequency of kissing in marital and cohabiting relationships was found to result in a reduction of perceived stress, an increase in relationship satisfaction, and a lowering of cholesterol levels."
Given the long and varied history of kissing, and in particular the pitfalls that await individuals who attempt romantic kisses without adequate technique or preparation, we felt that a patented method was long overdue.
Thus we have developed The Essential Romantic Kiss ("The Kiss"), a method by which two people can reciprocate their romantic feelings towards one another in a manner that deepens attachment, provides pleasure and promotes physical and emotional well‐being. Should this patent be approved and registered by the US Patent Office, we will immediately make the method freely available to all persons everywhere in the interests of enhancing romantic love and generally making the world a better place.
It must be noted that our goal is not to narrow in any way the range of improvisation and experimentation that occurs among the romantically involved. Far from it. We hope that our method – a basic, no‐frills technique that is nonetheless guaranteed to provide the health benefits described above – will imbue anyone hesitating on the edge of romance with the confidence and modicum of skill required to "pucker up".
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Summary of the invention
A method is provided for two individuals to reciprocate their romantic feelings toward one another. During Step 1 ("The Prelude"), the kissers deploy the muscle around the mouth (the orbicularis oris, or "kissing muscle") to shape their lips in a manner conducive to kissing (i.e. to "pucker the lips", or "pucker up"). In Step 2 ("The Approach"), they bring their faces into close proximity and tilt their head in opposite directions. During Step 3 ("The Seal"), the lips touch with varying degrees of pressure and intensity. The lips remain attached for an indeterminate period of time. While Step 3 may be considered as completing the method or "sealing" The Kiss, there is an optional Step 4 ("The Embrace") for those kissers who are caught up in the passion of the moment and thus feel compelled to go beyond Steps 1, 2 and 3. It involves deploying additional body parts, such as hands or arms, on the neck, shoulders or back of the other kisser, thereby drawing them into an interlocked position.
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Brief Description of the Drawings
FIG. 1 ("The Prelude") is a schematic of two participants 100 preparing to kiss.
FIG. 1A depicts a first kisser 10 with lips 12 and second kisser 20 with lips 22 in close proximity at a distance D.
FIG. 1B depicts the kissers 10 and 20 in the process of deploying the orbicularis oris O, or "kissing muscle" to position the lips in a pucker shape in preparation for The Kiss (i.e. the "prelude").
FIG. 2 ("The Approach") depicts two kissers 100 in close proximity with their heads tilted in opposite directions to avoid nasal collision and to facilitate access to the lips.
FIG. 2A depicts a kisser 10 and a kisser 20 approach at a distance D‐x, with their noses N1 and N2 touching on opposite sides 15.
FIG. 3 ("The Seal") illustrates the moment at which the lips of a kisser 10 and another kisser 20, both properly deployed in the pucker position, come into contact with each other 34, thus "sealing" the romantic attachment of the two individuals with The Kiss.
FIG. 4 ("The Embrace") demonstrates a kisser 10 and another kisser 20 involved in the optional deployment of additional body parts such as the arms 46, or hands around the neck 42 or backside 44, or legs 48 in order to deepen the sense of attachment resulting from "The Seal" and in a manner that is deemed acceptable when a) observed by one's mother, and b) conducted in a public space such as a library.
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Detailed Description of the Invention
The Essential Romantic Kiss is straightforward and requires little or no preparation other than maintaining the recommended level of oral and dental hygiene. It involves three required steps and an optional fourth step.
It should be noted that our patent describes conditions in which both parties to The Kiss are enthusiastically engaged in the method. Hence there is no "kisser" and "kissee", but simply two "kissers", and all steps apply equally to both. There are, of course, situations in which one individual may wish to surprise another with a romantic kiss. This variation involves a wide range of additional factors, risks and outcomes, and is best left for others to develop an appropriate patent method.
According to Wikipedia, "Kissing is a complex behavior that requires significant muscular coordination: a total of 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles are used during a kiss." While this description implies that advanced facial gymnastics are required, in fact most individuals can master The Kiss without completing a post‐graduate degree in Kinesiology.
The first step is referred to as "The Prelude". During this maneuver, the kisser puckers the lips by using the orbicularis oris muscle, or "kissing muscle", that surrounds the mouth. (Figure 1).
The second step is "The Approach". The kissers bring their faces into close proximity and tilt their heads in opposite directions in order to prevent their noses from colliding and to facilitate access to each other's lips. (Figure 2). During this step, it is advisable for one of the kissers to open their eyes momentarily in order to assess the direction of tilt of the other kisser and adjust one's own tilt accordingly, thereby reducing the risk of a nasal collision and/or momentary embarrassment. Like ballroom dancing, practice will lead to an established and comfortable pattern during "The Approach", as well as the ability to perform it under any lighting conditions or with both sets of eyes firmly closed.
The third step is known as "The Seal". The lips of one kisser touch those of the other kisser, thereby "sealing" The Kiss. (Figure 3).
How long should "The Seal" last? This is a matter best determined by the kissers themselves. We recommend somewhere between a peck and an attempt to set a Guinness World Record.
What is the appropriate amount of pressure to apply to the lips of the other kisser? This will be governed to a large degree by mutual consent, level of attraction (also known as "heat" or "chemistry"), and the surroundings (see Step 4: "The Embrace"). As a guiding principle, if the front teeth collide, the pressure may be too intense. If in doubt, the safest way to implement Step 3 is to begin with light pressure and proceed
according to how the lips and mouth of the second kisser respond.
The fourth and final step, known as "The Embrace", is optional. That is because, from a purely technical perspective, The Essential Romantic Kiss could be considered as complete by merely engaging the kissing muscle and lips of one kisser (or, to be precise, the "34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles" described in Wikipedia) with those of the other. However, during the research and development phase of this patent, we observed that the excitement and sense of belonging inspired by The Kiss often leads to the deployment of additional body parts. Here ‐‐ as in all aspects of romantic love ‐‐ sensitivity to the other's as discretion and an awareness of one's surroundings – are critical success factors. For the purposes of this patent, the prescribed use of additional body parts to form "The Embrace" are such that they would be deemed acceptable when a) observed by one's mother, and b) conducted in a public space such as a library. Those who wish to explore variations of this patent beyond conditions a) and b), or indeed to develop new kiss patents, are of course free to do so, preferably in the privacy of their own bedrooms, kitchens, laundry rooms, etc.
During Step 4, kissers may wrap their arms around the back of each other's neck, place their hands on the shoulders or against the small of the back, or any combination thereof. (Figure 4). What is of paramount importance is the ability of each kisser to understand and correctly interpret each other's body language. Is the other kisser tense or relaxed? Do they fold their arms in front to create a barrier between the two of you, or do they pull you more tightly into the embrace? Know the signals, ace the method!
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Footnotes
1A study by Gordon Gallup Jr., professor of psychology at the University of Albany, showed that 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women reported that after feeling attracted to another person initially, the attraction ended after the first kiss. Pucker up: Scientists study kissing. CNN.com February 13, 2009.
2In the 2003 Harlequin Romance Report's Global Romance Survey, 50% of respondents identified the worst kiss as "when the kissee doesn't welcome the kisser's advances." See page 7, "Kissing Disasters".
3Ibid, "bad aim" is a problem cited by 27% of respondents to the survey. See page 7, "Kissing Disaster".
4Ibid, "women prefer a man's lips to be strong and firm (37%), but not too aggressive (30%). Page 6.
5Auguste Rodin's sculpture "The Kiss" suggests a couple in a relaxed embrace despite the fact that they were sitting naked in front of the artist for extended periods of time. On the other hand, photographer Alfred Eisenstaedt's famed photograph of "The Kiss", which captures an unknown sailor planting a surprise kiss on Nurse Edith Shain in Times Square on VJ Day, August 14th, 1945, demonstrates the potential for awkward placement of body parts during an act of spontaneity that nonetheless achieved immortality.
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